I'd Rather Be Single Read online

  “Enough!” Michael yelled while trying to digest what I had just told him. I knew that it hurt him to his soul to hear that the woman that he fell in love with had been passed around to more men than he had on his basketball team. I felt like I had let him down. But I hoped that my revelation would just make us stronger.

  “So, what are you telling me, are you telling me that my girl, my fiancé is a hoe?” he asked.

  “Michael?” I screamed. I was shocked by his choice of words.

  “Don’t Michael me,” he shouted as he stood tall. “I’m a prominent athlete, what I look like wifing a hoe?” He shook his head, he was distraught. He kept pacing the floor and he was super emotional. His thoughts were consuming his movements; he kept wrinkling his face and rubbing his hands over his head. “Yo you gonna have to get an abortion or something,” he blurted.

  Tears continued to pour down my face, I was shocked; he knew how I felt about baring kids. He knew that I thought I was infertile for years, how could he ask me to abort our baby? The baby to me was a miracle. God wanted me to have this child, how could Michael ask me to do this?

  “Michael?” I called out again.

  He leaned his head against the wall.

  “Michael?” I clutched his shoulder from behind and he yanked my hand off of him.

  He turned but he couldn’t look into my eyes. His pretty boy face was stained with tears.

  “I’m sorry, Tyra, I love you, but I can’t be with you.” He turned his back to me.

  I paused staring at his back; I couldn’t believe what was happening, my feelings were beyond hurt, my heart had just been ripped out.

  “So just like that, Michael, it’s over? You are going to throw away what we have because of the mistakes that I made as a teenager?” I began getting all choked up as I tried explaining myself again. “No one ever loved me Michael, those boys tricked me; I thought they were my friends!”

  “I don’t want to hear it!” he screamed. His deep voice echoed through the entire house.

  “Get your things and leave. I’ll send you the money for the abortion,” he said with his back still turned and he slowly walked upstairs.

  My soul felt like it escaped me. I literally felt like I was dying and in fact I wanted to die. Michael was my heart. I knew that he really loved me but I couldn’t register how he could break my heart when I was carrying his child. Nothing I said or did could change his mind. I had really hurt him but I couldn’t change the past, and as it stood, I couldn’t control the future either. I seemed to think that I turned out to be a really good person. All that I sought was to be genuinely loved, but my past seemed to never be buried.

  I was convinced; I lost this war called love. I wasn’t destined to be loved. Love equated disappointment in my life. Maybe I was destined to be lonely. What man would ever want me anyway? I was damaged goods. Rosslyn was right, I put my trust into too many people and I always got the same outcome, being hurt.

  I stood against the wall, then I collapsed down into a fetal position by the front door and it seemed like I cried all of the fluid out of my body onto Michael’s floor. I had no choice but to give him what he wanted. He had an image to upkeep and being with someone like me could ruin everything for him. So that night, I packed the things I had at his house, placed my engagement ring on his kitchen table and moved back into my apartment.

  I had no idea how I was going to begin to pay the $2500 rent that I was now stuck with. Thank God Teddy brought my Benz out right and that I didn’t have a car note. My bank account only held less than three thousand dollars and I was still jobless.

  After a month, I felt myself almost go into a depressive state. I couldn’t eat, and I couldn’t get rid of the headache that I woke up with daily. I pondered on the decision of aborting my baby. I knew that I could keep the baby and collect a monthly check from Michael to support it but I didn’t want any part of him. I already sold my soul as a young girl and by keeping the baby just for a check seemed like I would be selling my soul as a woman. So I reluctantly made an appointment to abort it.

  I ended up losing the baby the day before my abortion appointment. It really depressed me because I don’t think that I was really going to go through with it since I felt like it was a miracle that I was even pregnant in the first place. I was so down on myself that I resented my life.

  I didn’t feel the need to call Michael to tell him that I lost the baby because I didn’t think he cared. I just tried to forget all about my relationship with him. As a matter of fact, I tried to forget about my relationship with Michael and Teddy. All the money and the supreme extravagant lifestyle wasn’t worth it in the end. I wasn’t even wise enough to save any of the money that they gave me. Imagine coming from the gritty projects into the luxurious life that they exposed me to. Once I had money in my hands, all I wanted to do was purchase things that I never could afford before and in the end they were all that I was left with. No Prada bag, diamonds or Christian Dior sunglasses were worth my broken heart.

  I lit the fireplace in my apartment and pulled the naked photos of myself from my purse and put them into the burning flames. I sat in Indian style in front of the fire crying my eyes out. I really missed Michael. But the fantasy lifestyle that I lived with him came and went ever so quickly. I began thinking of Rodney. I would never be stuck in the hole that I was now in if I didn’t selfishly kick him out. Here I was, now having to foot a $2500 rent bill with money that I didn’t have. When I was with Rodney at least I was living within my means and being loved by someone who saw beyond my past.

  After burning the pictures, I curled up in a ball on the floor beside my couch and I picked up the phone to call Rodney. Although he moved on and had a baby on the way, I knew he still had feelings for me and would be open to listen to me. He had to still love me.

  “Hello?” he answered.

  I sniffed before I could speak because I couldn’t stop crying. “Rodney, it’s Tyra.” I cried. “You don’t have to say anything right now, just hear me out.” I started. “I been through so much these past six months. I should’ve appreciated you when I had you. You were the only person in this world who genuinely loved me, Rodney. My foster parents didn’t care if I lived or died, my friend Rosslyn only loved herself; no one else in this world had an ounce of real love to offer me. But you, you looked past my imperfections and loved me for me. And I didn’t lose you; I selfishly gave up on you. I gave up on my good man for material things when I could’ve just been patient. Good men are hard to find and I had one, Rodney, I had one in you and now you are about to start a family with someone else. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and make things the way they were. The times when you and I were happy and I felt like someone really had my best interest at heart. Every time I see you, you remind me that you never stopped loving me, well I never stopped loving you either, Rodney and I just want to say that I’m sorry.”

  I waited for him to respond as I sat wiping my non-streaming tears. Then I heard someone call out for him.

  “Rodney, baby, come back to bed Daddy.”

  Rodney began to stutter, he didn’t expect me to hear the person in the background but I did. I heard loud and clear.

  My heart stopped and the whole room became silent. Tears stopped flowing and I thought that I was about to faint. The voice in the background wasn’t from the lady that Rodney was supposed to start a family with. The voice in the background was from a man. Rodney wasn’t who I thought he was either. Rodney was gay.

  Out of shock, I dropped the phone on the floor and was startled once I heard a loud knock at my front door at the same time; I think I actually screamed when I heard the knock. I was still shaking from what I had just learned about Rodney. I crawled off the floor to go answer my apartment door. Suddenly Rosslyn burst through the door punching me dead in my face.

  “Aahhhhh!!” I screamed as she caught me off guard. I fell straight to the floor.

  “So you thought you could take what was mine, bitch! I told you that the game was over for you! Michael was supposed to be mine!” she screamed jumping on top of me. She was punching me in the face while I tried blocking her blows as they came at me. Finally I managed to conjure enough strength to flip her and now I had her pinned down. “You psycho bitch!” I screamed as I punched her yellow face endlessly. I was letting out all of the anger that I had inside of me from her for forcing me to tell Michael about my past in the manner that I did, anger from losing my baby and anger for not knowing who Rodney really was. I was letting Rosslyn have it and she was letting out high pitched screams after each blow I landed on her face. She managed to reach into her pocket and pulled out a thick blade and tried poking me with it.

  “Aaah!!” I screamed as the blade grazed my stomach. I raised up off of her, she stumbled getting off the floor holding the knife in my direction.

  “I saw the way you used to hug Terry when we were in the club; you wanted him too didn’t you?” Rosslyn’s crazy ass screamed while starting toward me with the knife.

  “I never wanted Terry, Rosslyn; I wouldn’t try to take him or anyone else away from you.”

  “Liarrrrrr!!!” she yelled charging after me. I dodged Rosslyn by falling to the floor and tripping her when she approached me. I wrestled the knife out of her hand and threw it into the fireplace. I began to choke her while I cried, “You’re fucking crazy! I wish I never met you!” I kept screaming while watching her yellow face redden and she began to lose all oxygen; then I realized that I was probably going to kill her and I got up and pressed the speaker on the wall to the concierge desk and told them to call the police.

  Rosslyn was on the floor trying to catch her breath and when she was able to speak, she started saying more crazy shit.

  “I hate you, Daddy, I hate
you; you killed my mom!” she cried, blurting shit out of nowhere. I was scared as fuck but more concerned for her mental state. I was convinced, this bitch was a fucking nut! I stayed by the door hoping that the police would hurry up and come before Rosslyn’s crazy ass snapped back into reality and tried to attack me again.

  Soon after, the police arrived with the ambulance.

  When I told them about her behavior they put a straight jacket on her because it wasn’t hard to tell that she was on another planet. I heard one of the EMT workers mention that judging from his quick evaluation, she probably had a mental health condition like severe bi-polar or sadistic personality disorder.

  “He killed my mother, he killed my mother!” she screamed from the gurney. “I hate you, Daddy, you took everything from me, everythingggg!” she said in a little girl voice.

  I felt sorry for Rosslyn but was hoping that whatever mental institution they was taking her to would help sort out the deep rooted issues she possessed for her father. The issue that happened with her parents really had her head fucked up. And she must’ve inherited whatever mental disorder her mom developed.

  The ambulance patched up the small cut I had on my stomach from Rosslyn’s blade and I gave the police a full report before leading them out of my apartment so that I could recover.

  I plopped on the couch and closed my eyes trying to keep my head from spinning. Things were so hectic in my life; it was hard to hold it together. I fought hard to find a lesson that I’ve learned from everything that I had went through.

  What I can say is at the end of the day I stayed true to myself. Although I was forced to talk about my past, I never tried to hide it and lie about who I really was. I was a girl looking for love who made mistakes in the past. I’m only human; we all deserved a second chance. But after everything that I’ve been through; I’d rather be single than deal with any of the men that I had encountered lately.

  Suddenly, a light tap sounded at my front door. I was scared to open it. I had just saw Rosslyn being whisked away just moments ago by the ambulance, who could this be?

  I slowly crept to the front door and hesitated before I opened it. Once I widened the door, the familiar face melted my heart and tears consumed my eyes.

  It was Michael; he was twirling my engagement ring in his hand.

  Taking Chances

  By: Mimi Renee

  “I'm coming, I'm coming!” Rita yelled to her little sister from her upstairs bedroom window. It was her baby sister Jayla's twenty-fifth birthday and not only had she rented a stretch Hummer for the occasion, but her fiancé, Jacob had thrown her a birthday party at one of Hollywood's hottest night clubs.

  “Well hurry up, shit, my boo is waiting on us and I'm already an hour behind.” Jayla impatiently sighed looking back at their pseudo niece, Chastity. Chastity was the daughter of Rita's best friend and mentor, Lady, who had passed away. It was Lady's dying wish that Rita take care of Chastity if she didn't make it. Four months later when Chastity was seventeen years old Lady passed away and Rita had taken sole custody of her. That was eight years ago.

  Rita waved her sister off, shook her head and grabbed her Gucci bag from the closet. Why did I let this nut talk me into going out? Rita thought as she made her way down the stairs of her luxury town home. Rita hadn't gone out in years, but since it was her ex-husband, Joshua's weekend to keep the kids she figured why not. But then she began to question the idea of hanging out with a bunch of ladies who were ten years younger than her. After setting her home alarm, Rita stepped out the door.

  “Damn, baby what yo name is?” Chastity yelled out the window of the Hummer, mimicking a man’s voice.

  Rita laughed. “Ah shit, scoot that ass over and pour me a damn drink...on the rocks!” she teased as she made her way into the Hummer. “I have a feeling this is gonna be a long night,” she said, sighing.

  “You better know it Ti-Ti,” Chastity said as she poured Rita a shot of Grey Goose. She had to work especially hard to convince her to go out with them and she was gonna see to it that Rita had a good time.

  “Looking good Sis!” Jayla complimented after checking out her sister’s outfit.

  “Thanks, Pookie,” Rita said, smiling, calling Jayla by her nickname.

  Rita had grown accustomed to being told that she looked older than her years. When she was thirteen people were always mistaking her for sixteen or seventeen, and now at the age of thirty-six she was easily taken for a woman in her early to mid forties. Rita had flawless brown skin, and a dynamic figure. She was always complimented for having sexy, toned arms, legs, a flat stomach and a killer smile. Rita was known for her sweet, kind, loving and generous ways. The only thing that she was missing was a good man and lots of hot steamy sex. Rita had been divorced for six months, and had legally been separated six months prior to that. She hadn't had sex with anything other then her dildo, Big Black in the last year. So to say the least, she was ready to get her groove back.

  Loving her sister’s little black dress, Jayla teased, “Ree got her fuck'em girl - I'm getting me some, dress on tonight!”

  “And the long ponytail and Chinese bangs are screaming; slap me, spank me, pull my hair!” Chastity added dancing in her seat.

  Asia, Jayla's best friend since childhood chimed in, “And this bitch likes getting her hair pulled, and ass slapped on!” Rita had been known for being a freak like that since way back.

  Shaking her head, Rita said, “Well what the hell is this? Pick on Rita day?” Rita was laughing so hard that tears had formed in her eyes.

  On the way to the club the ladies enjoyed themselves laughing, talking and taking shots. When the Hummer pulled into the club's parking lot, they began to freshen up their make-up. When the driver opened the door for them to get out, they all climbed out one at a time until they were all standing in the parking lot. After Jayla called her fiancé, Jacob, to let him know that they had arrived and they all made their way to the VIP line.

  Awaiting them at the door, Jacob yelled out a, “Happy birthday!” to Jayla, holding up a bottle of champagne. Blushing, Jayla winked at him then blew him a kiss. Moments later the bouncer removed the black velvet rope and allowed the group to enter. Jayla approached Jacob adorning him with a hug and kiss. Then after, Rita hugged him and pecked his cheek. “I love you for keeping my sister happy,” she said, smiling.

  Jacob smiled back, revealing his pearly whites, then said, “Naw, Sis I love her for keeping me happy.” Then he led them all to their reserved VIP area. Jacob and Jayla had a very beautiful and loving relationship. It reminded Rita of what her and her ex-husband Joshua used to have. That was until Joshua discovered that Rita had been having an affair on him.

  Inside, the club was in full swing and the party goers all dressed to impress in their trendy outfits. “Hey beautiful,” a man's voice called, distracting Rita's thoughts. Looking in the guy’s direction, Rita smiled at the young, dark, long haired, thuggish looking guy before her. He definitely wasn't her type, but there was something very attractive about him. He was bronzed complexioned, his hair was braided neatly in cornrows and he had piercing eyes that looked directly into one's soul. He wore a navy blue pin-striped button-up shirt, light blue jeans, and an expensive looking pair of dark colored alligator dress shoes.

  “Hello,” Rita said smiling. She didn't want to be rude, but she wasn't really in the mood to be bothered by a young, roughneck thug.

  “Wanna dance?” he asked undressing her with his eyes.

  “I'm not really a dancer,” Rita lied. Truth was she was a great dancer.

  “I don't either, so let’s learn together,” he said as he grabbed her hand, hoping she'd follow him to the dance floor.

  Rita grabbed her hand from him. “I'm sorry but I'm not really interested in dancing right now...kinda just got here,” she said trying to let him down easy.